Blog the Fiftieth

This is my fiftieth blog installment, and I would like to take the time to reflect on how this blog has affected my life and see if it all has been worth it. This is more for my benefit, so if you are easily bored you can go back to whatever you were doing. Unless it's naughty, then you should listen up and atone, you filthy dog. 

Over the past month or so since I started blogging, I've noticed that I have changed in certain ways. First, I most definitely have become more narcissistic, since talking about yourself sort of feeds one's narcissism. But I don't think it's a bad sort of narcissism - it's more like I've become more confident and am coming to terms with liking myself just the way I am. It's not that I never liked myself, I love myself. I want to go on a romantic three week cruise to the Bahamas with myself. It's just that there are certain parts of me I don't like and I haven't known how to change them or learn to love them. I think that blogging everyday about the stupid things I sometimes (read: always) do has forced me to compose a full picture of myself, illuminate the not so pretty parts and dust off the more rusty facets of my personality. This blog has furthermore forced me to think before I speak and to realize the impact of the words flitting across my lips. Ask anyone who has spent more than ten minutes around me and they can verily tell you how I rarely think before speaking which often results in making a complete dunce out of myself or hurting someone's feelings. My friends can verify this for me, but I think that I am getting steadily better about knowing when is the proper time to call someone something inappropriate and when I should bite my tongue. Before clicking the "publish post" button, I also briefly stop and wonder what my mother would think of what I am about to make available for potentially anyone to read. I almost always end up publishing whatever I wrote anyway, but there have been a few posts where the image of my mother's scowling face has made me censor myself and not say exactly what I was thinking. I'm hoping this goes away after a while, because that face sort of gives me chills. And it happens a lot. 

Lastly, this blog is totally helping me develop my own personal writing style and is getting me used to writing habitually. Because I want to be a writer someday, it's important that I get used to writing long entries and not giving up on a piece just because it isn't perfect. I want everything I write to sound and look perfect, but this isn't always feasible. If I don't break that habit now I am going to rapidly develop a love affair with boxed wine and Xanax, and I am too young to drive myself that crazy. 

All in all, I think my efforts haven't all been for naught. I've provided tens of people with entertainment, and can go to bed at night feeling like I've completed some small form of accomplishment. 

Go team Chelsea.